You work out of a Hotel?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
