Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
