I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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