dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize