So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
