i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
