We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
