i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
