worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
