I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
