You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize