I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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