Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
