Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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