Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
