you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
