I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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