well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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