if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
