your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
