You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
