Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
