I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
