I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
