I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
