so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
