Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
