Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
