Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
