I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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