But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
