I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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