Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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