she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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