i jhust puked up my retainher.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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