How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
