...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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