I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
