wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
