he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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