Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize