dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
