She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
