i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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