Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
