I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
