I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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