I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
