don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
