I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
