so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
