I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize