butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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