I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no, he came in my armpit
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
