The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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