i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The beers last night were like the tears from god
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
