i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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