I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
