the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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