A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
