What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
