we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
