i was born a porn star she said
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
