goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
