Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
