Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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