It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
