she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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