I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
