I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sext me about skeletons
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
