I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
