I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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