This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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