maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
