He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
