I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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