Umm I'm too high to move.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
